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SPORT | Manchester City may have bought players in order to help them win the league

May 8, 2012

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Speculation is growing that Manchester City may have exchanged money for players, leading opposing fans to claim that they have ‘bought’ the title. The Premier League was set up in 1992 as a collective non-profit cooperative with the sole objective of volunteers coming together to mutually benefit society and culture. Rule 3.2.7 prohibits any exchange […]

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SPORT | Ferguson: “Howard Webb is available for selection”

April 23, 2012

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Sir Alex Ferguson has confirmed that Howard Webb has passed a fitness test and will be available for selection for the crucial clash against Manchester City in a week’s time. Premiership Referee Webb has not trained with the United squad for just over two weeks after picking up knee and ankle knocks in United’s 2-0 […]

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SPORT | Sian Massey did really, really well

March 12, 2012

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The media has been quick to tell Premier League assistant referee Sian Massey not to worry her pretty little head about being a woman in football as she’d done a really, really good job. Newspapers and football commentators were falling over themselves to inform the sweetie pie just how well she’d done after she correctly […]

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SPORT | Ferguson hails Owen’s ‘unbelievable’ Twitter record

February 27, 2012

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Sir Alex Ferguson has hailed Michael Owen’s “unbelievable” retweet record after 9 of his 11 tweets on Sunday were each retweeted over 100 times. Owen, who is currently United’s top tweeter, has seen 108 out of his last 124 tweets get over 100 retweets. This tally puts him second in the Premier League retweet table […]

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SPORT | Tevez offers ‘unreserved apology’ to financial associates

February 22, 2012

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Money

Manchester City orc Carlos Tevez has offered a ‘sincere and unreserved’ apology to his bank manager, agent, sponsors and other financial advisors. In an official statement released through the Manchester City FC website the semi-formed striker spoke of his ‘deep regret’ at the £10million in fines he has amassed since fucking off for a three-month […]

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SPORT | Manchester City in £34m swoop for St James’ Park sign

February 17, 2012

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James

Manchester City are believed to have made an audacious £34m bid for Newcastle’s out of favour St James’ Park sign. The versatile sign, which can be placed on indoor or outdoor surfaces, fell out of favour with Newcastle’s owner Mike Ashley back in November A host of Premier League clubs enquired as to the sign’s […]

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SPORT | Man Utd fans to stick around for Seagal, tits and virtual roulette

February 16, 2012

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Seagal

Millions of Manchester United fans are looking forward to a night in front of Channel 5. After an early knockout from the Champions League group stage, the Salford Debt Restructuring Corporation find themselves in the unusual situation of being in the Europa League. Soft porn-peddling, neighbours-repeating, Seagal-promoting, Big Brother-resurrecting broadcaster Channel 5 have been showing […]

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SPORT | Rooney looking forward to underperforming for an Englishman

February 8, 2012

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Rooney

Fabio Capello has sensationally walked away from the England manager’s job and Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney has wasted no time in endorsing Harry Redknapp’s campaign to become the next national team boss. “I have a lot of respect for Capello”, said Rooney. “But underperforming for a foreign manager just isn’t the same as underperforming […]

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SPORT | Manchester City’s ‘Etihad Campus’ to be scrapped

February 8, 2012

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Etihad Campus

Manchester City Football Club have sensationally scrapped plans to build an 80-acre youth development centre and first team academy in the Openshaw West area of Manchester. It is understood that the site will instead be developed in to a massive ‘sex zone’ for their players. Original plans submitted to Manchester City Council in September 2011 […]

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SPORT | Michelangelo’s David spotted at the Etihad Stadium

January 31, 2012

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David

News Manc has received unconfirmed reports from a number of sources this evening that Michelangelo’s sculpture of David has been spotted at the Etihad stadium. With today being transfer deadline day this would indicate that David is on the verge of signing for the club. David is currently signed to the Accademia di Belle Arti in […]

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