NEWS | Transport bosses celebrate Metrolink record

June 26, 2012


The current scene at the Woodlands Road Metrolink station.


Staff at Transport for General Manchester (TfGM) broke out the champagne today after the Oldham Metrolink line smashed a 16 year record for trouble free transportation on the tram network.

The Oldham line, which was suspended this morning, had been running without any problems for a full 12 days since opening on 13th June.

“We’re fucking delighted”, said Marsha Sparvagn, TfGM’s Director of Chaos, Misery and Abandonment.

“Our previous best was a 6-day trouble free stint on the Eccles line back in 1998, but that was only achievable after some serious use of duct tape and a few creative and hastily knocked-up press releases.”

“When we opened this new line we expected it to go down quicker than a Kardashian on camera, so to see it last 12 days is pretty fucking phenomenal.”

“Our office Oldham Line Suspension Sweepstake only had days 1 to 10 available, which gives you an idea of what an achievement this is.”

Services on the Bury line were also suspended this morning.

Passengers on both lines were offered replacement bus services but instead opted to form a primitive tribal group who stripped themselves naked and began worshipping Metrolink ticket machines.

Greater Manchester Police have been called to the scene but an assumed leader of the tribe, believed to be a former accountant called Nigel, fended them off with spears dipped in tram oil.

“It’s an unfortunate situation”, confirmed Sparvagn.

“Still though – 12 fucking days!”



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