NEWS | Moon fans queue to see new ‘Supermoon’

May 6, 2012


The new moon does not support flash and has no USB connectivity but has been described by God as “really shiny” and “effortlessly desirable”.

Moon fan-fucks have been queuing over the past 48-hours to get a glimpse of the new ‘Supermoon’ which will be released to the sky by God this weekend.

The new Supermoon is essentially exactly the same moon as the last one but it appears slightly bigger and brighter in the sky.

There are no known changes to the functionality of the new Supermoon other than a patch upgrade for the Sea of Tranquility, which many users reported as a bug on the previous moon, and a much-needed gravity refresh.

Forston Lick, 23, is a self-confessed ‘Moon freak’ from Didsbury who has queued outside his own house for nearly 40-hours in order to be one of the first to see the new ‘Supermoon’.

“Don’t get me wrong, I loved the old Moon and I’ve been in to every moon God’s brought out. But when I saw prototype photos of the new Supermoon last month I just knew I had to be the first see it. Look at the way it curves. Look at the glow. My dick is currently harder than a Skrillex drop.”

“No, I don’t plan to look at the old moon again. How could I? It’s dead to me now.”

In a recent interview with News Manc the ultimate creator God himself summarised the thinking behind the new moon.

“Every natural satellite of the Earth we’ve released has been beautiful and dramatic, but we’ve taken it a step further with this Supermoon.”

God added: “We’ve upped the brightness significantly and it’ll look slightly bigger to every viewer. We’ve also added three new crescent views every September. Customers will also be pleased to find that it shines for an extra 14 minutes per night on average.”

“But most importantly, we feel that if you look at the old moon you’ll feel slightly dirty inside.”

However, some viewers of the Supermoon have already reported certain problems.

News Manc spoke to one lady in Kettering who can see the Supermoon from outside the front of her house but not from the back. And many moon-based forum users in the South West of England have reported that they can’t see the Supermoon at all. Those that can say they can’t see much difference.

“BUT LOOK HOW FUCKING SHINY IT IS!”, retorted God at a recent press conference.


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