NEWS | Met Office: ‘meteor may be God’s punishment for Take Me Out’

March 4, 2012


God: not a fan of McGuinness

The Met Office have confirmed that the bright meteor seen over the Manchester area last night may have been a sign of God’s wrath and anger for ITV1’s Take Me Out.

The omnipresent deity, supernatural creator and overseer of the universe is known to occasionally throw his toys out of the pram and unleash fury when he’s in a bit of a mood about something.

Elliot Hansen is a senior meteorologist at the Met Office and spoke to News Manc about the bright, streaking orange light seen by thousands in Manchester.

“God allows the earth to reflect the consequences sin has had on creation. With this in mind we tracked the path of the meteor and it was headed straight towards those posh houses in Bolton.”

“At first we thought it might be aimed at Peter Kay as punishment for asking over 1 million people whether they remember Werther’s Originals and Howard’s Way on his 2011 tour. God’s is known to be a bit fucked off with him for his lack of new material.”

“But then it seemed to dawn on us all at the same time: McGuinness. Take Me Out.”

God is known for his dislike for the ITV light entertainment show where 50 sexually rampant and cock-hungry women are sedated and captured from various branches of Yate’s Wine Lodge before being transported to a neon warehouse in Essex to decide whether to smash pissers in a restaurant toilet in Tenerife with a man whose special talent is farting on cold window and licking the condensation off.

“The whole thing makes God really sad”, added Hansen.

This isn’t the first time God has unleashed his anger as a result of an ITV programme.

In 1994 he sent a tornado through Swindon after John Fashanu said ‘awooga’ one too many times on the socially retarded programme Gladiators. And it is believed that the severe flooding in many parts of the UK in 2000 which left hundreds homeless was direct retaliation for ITV screening Robert Kilroy Silk’s game show Shafted.


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One Comment on “NEWS | Met Office: ‘meteor may be God’s punishment for Take Me Out’”

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