NEWS | One Direction fans tricked in to unpaid Tesco employment

February 25, 2012


Within two weeks these teenage girls will be looking at you miserably and not helping you find things.

Thousands of teenage girls who believed they were camping out at the Manchester Evening News Arena to buy tickets for a concert by boy band One Direction have actually signed them themselves up for 300 hours of unpaid labour at Tesco.

The sneaky initiative was a joint venture between Tesco, Employment Minister Chris Grayling and the band themselves.

It was announced earlier this month that tickets for the prepubescent favourites would go on sale at 9am today.

But any teenage girl who has camped out over the last forty hours will reach the front of queue to find that they have automatically signed up to over 8 weeks of hard, unpaid labour at the retail equivalent of a nasty STD.

“The scheme is fucking brilliant”, said Employment Minister Chris Grayling enthusiastically.

“These teenage girls will learn key, basic skills such as land banking, tax avoidance, price-fixing, not giving a single fucking fuck about suppliers and how to really shaft local small businesses. These are the simple competencies that young people require if they are going to effectively participate in the world of business.”

“Watching a group of lads who finished sixth on Opportunity Knocks will not provide the same opportunities”, added Grayling.

One Direction fan Jessica O’Neill, 13, set up a tent on Thursday morning in order to buy what she thought would be tickets to see the hairless fivesome. However, she still remains upbeat at the thought of weeks of unpaid shop work.

“I still love One Direction and I’ll do it for them. I love you Liam!”, O’Neill cried in a manner akin to a Branch Davidian talking about Koresh.

Many have criticised Tesco for the underhand nature of the teenage recruitment drive and the fact that the initiative is unpaid.

A spokesman for Tesco said: “Oh pur-lease, we’re fucking Tesco. We’ll do what we want. Go buy a cheap chicken and shut the fuck up.”

It is believed that One Direction band members Harry, Harry, Harry, Liam and Harry were each paid £20,000 for their part in the scam.

Youth unemployment is a serious issue for the coalition government with over 20% of 16 to 24 year olds currently without work.

A recent survey of 16-18 year olds revealed that their main employment aspirations now revolve around a potential go on Channel 4’s Deal Or No Deal or appearing regularly in Love-It magazine after a funny appearance on ITV’s Take Me Out.

“These aren’t proper fucking jobs”, mumbled Grayling.


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2 Comments on “NEWS | One Direction fans tricked in to unpaid Tesco employment”

  1. David Niccol Says:

    Oh please… what fucking baloney. Attention To Detail in future and accurate reporting.


    • barry wigglecock Says:

      im surprised how stupid some people are, how do they even get to this website. christ!


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