NEWS | ‘UFO’ seen over Wigan found to be the Sun

February 23, 2012


The scene in Wigan this morning.

An investigation by the MoD has concluded that the ‘UFO’ seen by thousands of Wiganers this morning was actually the Sun.

Wigan urchin Stanley Milburn runs a local mill for children and was one of thousands of local residents who saw and reported the large slow-moving ball of light hovering ominously above the settlement.

“T’ ‘uge ball ‘o light ‘appen fert ‘cross t’ skye’. Mi ‘orse proper bolted”, said Milburn incomprehensibly.

It was around 10.05am this morning when an estimated 3,500 Wiganers congregated in the town square armed with pitchforks, scythes and catapults.

They begin pointing up at the sky whilst making grunting noises and jumping up and down. Many were crying and it’s been reported that some began to chant.

Many of the mills, factories and mines have been closed to allow petrified locals to take shelter.

Professor Richard Gooch is a lecturer at Manchester University who specialises in primeval and early civilisations.

“This type of behaviour is akin to the way in which our ancestors would have reacted. The villagers will be used to seeing a few days of sun in summer months but the mixture of an unseasonally warm day and bright sunshine during a winter month will have confused them.”

A MoD spokesman confirmed that they received a number of wax-sealed scrolls this morning from confused Wiganers which were delivered by horseback.

One reported the sighting of a ‘large ‘eated ball o’ ‘ot ‘eat’ and asked for ”elp now owt mi doomed’.

“We dispatched a couple of Harrier Jump Jets from the nearby airbase to investigate and they were quickly able to confirm that it was indeed the Sun that was scaring the locals.”

“Some residents were then spooked by the sight of our planes but luckily the missiles launched from their trebuchets did not reach the aircraft.”

“This is the fourth fucking time this has happened”, added the spokesman angrily.


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7 Comments on “NEWS | ‘UFO’ seen over Wigan found to be the Sun”

  1. Bert Says:

    I saw ‘t wit mee own I’s. Thee bought in thos ‘orseless chariots int ‘own te invesigat. I risk all by sendin’ this message ont haunted typewriter


  2. Anonymous Says:

    “This is the fourth fucking time this has happened”, added the spokesman angrily. Haha


  3. Bruce P Says:

    I have lived in Sale for sixteen years and it the first time I’ve seen the sun! I was going to sacrifice a virgin to it but I couldn’t find one.


  4. Nick Says:

    You can always tell a Wiganer, but you can’t tell him much


  5. Paul Says:

    I herd it asweel und sin it wi mi own 2 iis,I was wit Molly Shankwankle int barn at Hay All geyin frisky.
    Then thert was a lowd nowse and a breet leet i lookt at Molly and her skens at mi like a basket er whelks Her’d frick’n a police horse but her’s not maw’in beawt.Neyer sint owt like it and it mayde me and molly cack our pants and it even stoppt us fawnicatin twas frittening.


  6. sos direct Says:

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    of this sector don’t realize this. You must continue your writing.
    I’m confident, you have a huge readers’ base already!


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