NEWS | Manchester United oppose plans for massive Neville

February 20, 2012



An artist's impression of 'The Gary Tower'. It is rumoured that Neville himself created all of the imagery within the proposal.

A joint bid by Gary Neville and Manchester architect Ian Simpson to construct a massive Gary Neville in the shadows of Old Trafford has been met with concerns from Neville’s former club.

The former Reds semi-beard teamed up with noted Manchester architect Simpson to design the 109-metre Gary Neville which would dominate the Manchester skyline and peer down ominously over the ground.

If approved the project would result in the tallest mixed-used Gary Neville in the country.

Architect Ian Simpson explained the concept to News Manc.

“Gary came to me just over a year ago with a vision that any Manchester United fan who couldn’t get a ticket for the game could be provided with the opportunity to watch it on a large screen over 100 metres in the air in a massive Gary Neville head. I found myself unable to disagree.”

“Our application to the council included planning permission for a 187-bed hotel up to Gary’s waist and a series of viewing rooms throughout the torso. His head will be available to VIPs who want to watch the game in luxury surroundings.”

“We plan to have a bar in the crotch area where fans can sip Gary-themed cocktails such as a Moustache Mojito or a Sainsbury’s Shiny Suit Sling”, added Simpson.

Andrew Gibbon is a spokesman for Manchester United Football Club and has raised concerns about a fuck off Gary Neville being constructed.

“We welcome almost any venture that brings commerce and jobs to the region, especially from a former player”, said Gibbon.

“But we’ve had a chat and the prospect of a towering Gary Neville scares the living shit out of us. We told Sir Alex and he just went all wide-eyed and started mumbling something about the effect it would have on future generations.”

Neville has an unfortunate track record of getting involved in failed business ventures.

In 2007 he paid £3.4m for the rights to 80s British children’s cartoon Henry’s Cat and subsequently spent 3 months in Los Angeles trying to coax Will Smith in to taking the lead role in an action blockbuster version. The film was never made.

And in 2009 his answer to the George Foreman Grill, the Gary Neville Wok, failed after customers complained that the handle was covered in some sort of downy fluff.


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