NEWS | Manchester to celebrities: ‘Well just fucking do one then’

February 16, 2012

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Chloe

Chloe Sevigny. No, we're not entirely sure who she is either. She was in Zodiac according to Wikipedia, but we've not seen that.

Mancunians are starting to strongly advise any famous people who move to Manchester and then complain about it to ‘fucking do one’.

American actress Chloe Sevigny is the latest celebrity to slag off the city after revealing to a US magazine that she thought Manchester was a “shitting disaster area”.

“It was the most dreadful place I’ve ever had the misfortune to visit. And I’ve been to Swindon“, Sevigny told interviewers.

Manchester City striker and part-time Cites of Gold lookalike Carlos Tevez has repeatedly slated Manchester to anyone who will listen. Last week he told an Argentine TV station that: “even Middlesbrough seems more attractive”.

Marsha Sintle is from independent organisation I Love MCR who are today launching the Fucking Do One campaign.

The initiative will offer support and guidance to celebrities who find themselves unhappy in Manchester and will include free lifts to the airport.

“Manchester is ace. So we are in complete agreement with the public that any celebrities who are miserable here would probably be miserable anywhere. You could put Tevez in a five-star resort in Tahiti with his family right next to him and he’d still be fucking moaning.”

“One guy told me yesterday that if he were Chloe Sevigny he’d have had a fucking great time here by spending his time drinking ale at The Briton’s Protection or simply stripping off in front of the hotel mirror and gently masturbating.”

“That’s the type of spirit Mancunians have”, added Sintle.

Manchester isn’t the first city to be rubbished by celebrities. In a 2010 trip to Birmingham Pope Benedict XVI was controversially overheard saying that the city was “a cunt hair away from being as bad as Coventry”.

 

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11 Comments on “NEWS | Manchester to celebrities: ‘Well just fucking do one then’”

  1. Bob Says:

    Was Gallo not around to drop in then for a quick nosh?

    Reply

  2. Sumoking Says:

    Chloe Sevigny looks like a bag of smashed crabs so it’s no wonder she is on such a downer, definately one to plunge with the lights off

    Reply

  3. christopher cravagan Says:

    To the idiots that are celebs that dis this republic of mancunia ..your missing out on the warmth this great republic has to offer ..its one of the most welcoming places in da country..now if that’s not enough ..listen to the old mancunion saying..D0 0NE DICKHEAD ..an don’t come back

    Reply

  4. Kieran White Says:

    I did one in 1973 and I didn’t go back. It is shit but there’s a lot of it about.

    Lord Darlington

    Reply

  5. Aesop Fabio Says:

    Manchester: Smaller than Leeds, uglier than Liverpool and massively full of itself. I like the piss-ups, the craic and the football, but other than that it’s a bit shit. Don’t bother offering me a free lift to the airport; I live thousands of miles away and don’t give a fucking shit.

    Oh, and I go there for my holidays every year. Beat THAT, professional Mancs.

    Reply

    • Anonymous Says:

      You clearly don’t know what you’re talking about seeing as Manchester is several times the size of leeds. Professional idiot.

      Reply

  6. Eve Mair Says:

    She won a fucking Oscar, how can you not know her.

    Reply

  7. Anonymous Says:

    C’mon Reporter person, get it right. It was Mysterious Cities of Gold!

    Reply

  8. Anonymous Says:

    p*ss funny ….’cities of gold’…Esteban wansnt it?.kinda goes with Eastlands Ban

    Reply

  9. Anonymous Says:

    Didn’t she suck her costars Dick on camera for a film? And he also turned out to have wrote the script aswell….gullible bint!

    Reply

  10. Ushiku Indigo Angel Crisafulli Says:

    I agree, anyone who’s dissing Manchester can fucking do one.

    Also, as if that pervy Pope has ever seen a cunt hair, they don’t like women with hairy muffs in the church, hell they don’t even like women.

    Reply

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