NEWS | Weekend irony ban announced

February 13, 2012

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Walkman

Police have warned the public that anyone found with one of these instead of a MP3 player will feel the full force of the law.

Greater Manchester Police (GMP) have confirmed that irony of all forms will be banned across Manchester this weekend.

A statement released by GMP spoke of recent increased levels of irony within the city and the need to send a message that it won’t be tolerated by the authorities.

“We have seen a 62% rise in ironic gestures, situations and performances in the city over the past 12 months”, said Chief Inspector Harj Singh of GMP’s Sardonicism Unit.

The statement continued: “We have therefore decided to make Manchester an irony free zone between 7pm Friday 17 February and 6am Monday 20 February.  50 additional officers will be on duty in the city centre to ensure that the general public are protected from any ironic situations.”

“Sarcasm will still be tolerated”, Singh added.

The announcement has left many Mancunians scratching their head.

Joel Anderson, 21, plays in Manchester band Maureen’s Goat, and is concerned that their Friday night gig at the Night & Day Cafe may be compromised.

“We play pretty standard folk-tinged pop songs, but in the middle of our set we do a glockenspiel and Hammond organ version of the theme tune to ’80s cult TV show Saved By The Bell. It’s just meant to be a bit of a laugh, but I guess it is a bit ironic. Will we be arrested? The police need to issue more guidance.”

Kate Taylor is getting married to fiancée Mark Heaton on Saturday and has a reception organised at a cocktail bar on King Street.

“The venue is organising our food and will be providing a lovely tapas-inspired evening buffet. But my friends and I have a running joke that people actually eat those king prawn ring things from Iceland so, as a bit of a giggle, I’ve arranged to get a couple to add to the buffet. Is this somehow illegal now?!”

Dave Schiff, 23, often wears a Christmas jumper he bought from a charity shop on nights out in Manchester.

“It’s got an awful reindeer motif pattern running round it”, he said sadly. “I wear it all year round but I guess it’s staying in the wardrobe this weekend.”

Popular Northern Quarter bar Trof have chosen to cancel their ‘Tribute To Phil Collins’ afternoon planned for Saturday after advice from police officials.

“It’s a shame, but we will be working in full partnership with authorities to ensure we stick to the right side of the law”, said general manager Farley Rusk.

A full list of ironic clothing, music, television, food and language is available from the Greater Manchester Police website. Anyone unsure of whether they are about to engage in ironic behaviour is advised to contact Crimestoppers for confidential advice.

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One Comment on “NEWS | Weekend irony ban announced”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    JUSTICE FOR THE RED ISSUE INSANE CLOWNBOAT POSSE!!!

    Reply

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