NEWS | Mini dealership calls for housing market stimulus

February 12, 2012

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Mini

Hard Times: Reed Rains on Whitworth Street are currently showing customers around houses in this Mini due to a lack of funding to purchase a new one.

A BMW Mini dealership in Trafford has called for Manchester City Council to do something about the state of the housing market after reporting continued sliding sales.

“We sell Minis to three types of people”, said Tom Hophold, Sales Director at Williams Mini on Chester Road.

“Hairdressers, female soap stars and estate agents. The problem is that the latter makes up for nearly 70% of our sales and ever since the housing market stalled in 2008 we’ve struggled to survive. 2011 was our worst year on record.”

The car dealership has written to the Council with a number of suggestions to help the housing market and have also inquired as to whether a taxpayer funded interest-free loan could be given to estate agents to help them cover their basic requirements.

“It would get the economy going”, said Hophold.

“If the council gave Manchester estate agents a cash injection you’d see an immediate recovery in the sales of Minis, hair gel, shiny suits and bad ties, all of which have seen a hammering over the past few years. I think Toni and Guy on Deansgate would also support any initiative that got a bit of money back in estate agent’s pockets.”

News Manc spoke to Jason Reynolds, Residential Transaction Consultant for King Sturge.

“When it came to buying a new car this year the Mini was just too expensive, so I bought a 53-plate Daewoo Matiz. A fucking Matiz. It’s completely dented my confidence. I don’t even gel up my hair that high any more, I’m down to about two inches.”

“My soul is dying”, Reynolds whispered. “Help me. Please.”

This isn’t the first time that local authorities have been asked to help the¬†beleaguered housing market.

In 2011 four of Manchester’s biggest estate agents wrote an open letter to both Manchester and Salford Councils to request that a number of regions in and around the area be renamed in an attempt to create a new ‘buzz’ and ‘excitement’ that would ‘increase transaction liquidity’.

The proposals outlined by the four estate agents included:

  • Stretford – renamed as NoSa (meaning ‘North of Sale’)
  • Whalley Range – proposed change to East Chorlton
  • Longsight and Moss Side – both merged in to The Academic Quarter
  • Swinton – to be called North Worsley
  • Denton and Hyde – both to be renamed Peaks Valley
  • Northenden – N5

It is believed both Councils told them all to fuck right off.

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