SPORT | Rooney looking forward to underperforming for an Englishman

February 8, 2012



Rooney: "It'll be great to get sent off for an English manager again."

Fabio Capello has sensationally walked away from the England manager’s job and Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney has wasted no time in endorsing Harry Redknapp’s campaign to become the next national team boss.

“I have a lot of respect for Capello”, said Rooney. “But underperforming for a foreign manager just isn’t the same as underperforming for an English manager. Although McClaren wasn’t popular with fans or the press I always felt a certain amount of pride when I pulled on the England shirt for him and put in a distinctly average showing in front of someone born in my country. I’ll get that same feeling if Redknapp gets the job.”

Rooney told News Manc that he’s especially looking forward to the prospect of going to Euro 2012 in Poland and the Ukraine under an Englishman.

“I’m gutted to be missing the first two games”, admitted Rooney. “But I know that the lads will enjoy getting beaten by France and then putting in a shit performance to scrape a lucky 1-0 victory over Sweden in front of an English manager. And the sex and alcohol scandals that will take place during the competition will feel far more patriotic than under Capello or Eriksson.”

“Hopefully I can do Harry proud by coming back for a dismal performance in a demoralising 0-0 drawn with the Ukraine. And when I get a yellow card in the 73rd minute for petulantly kicking out at a Ukrainian defender after consistently shit service from our uninterested andĀ lacklustre midfielders I’ll look over at Harry and think, “Thank God, an Englishman on the touch-line””.

Rooney also believes that Harry will be able to empathise with the players after yet another disappointing exit at the first knockout stage.

“After a brave yet ultimately futile performance and against Italy in the quarter final, probably due to bringing on Emile Heskey on for the second half, I know that Harry will put his arm around me and call me ‘triffic. That’s what an Englishman brings.”

News Manc asked Rooney about whether he sees a long-term future with England under Redknapp.

“I see us having at least six dismal years under him”, he said excitedly. “I’m already imagining the press conference after we go out of the Euros in the quarter finals and Redknapp tells the press that we’ve got a great crop of youngsters coming through just in time for the 2014 World Cup in Brazil. That kind of vague bullshit just sounds wrong coming from a foreigner.”

“By the way, do you happen to know if they have brothels in Brazil? Just asking for a friend.”


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  1. Fabio Capello resigns with immediate effect - Page 6 - February 10, 2012

    […] Re: Fabio Capello resigns with immediate effect All the players will feel better under an English manager SPORT | Rooney looking forward to underperforming for an Englishman | newsmanc […]

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