NEWS | Wiganers set to take to the streets over ‘rise in internet usage’

February 3, 2012

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Wigan

Wigan's new entertainment complex 'The Place', which opened in 2010.

Thousands of Wiganers are set to take to the streets this weekend to protest over what they feel is an infiltration of the internet within the borough.

Since the introduction of electricity to the majority of properties in Wigan during the early part of the last decade there has been a dramatic rise in internet usage within the area. In 2008 it was thought that just three people had access to the world wide web, but a recent survey suggested that almost 1 in 10 Wiganers now have a computer connected to the information superhighway. It is this high level of usage which is starting to concern local residents.

“I don’t know what t’internet is and, frankly, I don’t want to know”, said Betty Piebarm, a Luddite and hand-loom weaver who will take part in the protest. “It’s probably th’London pushing this shit on to us. First th’flying shuttle, then th’power loom, then running hot water and now this. When will it stop? We’ll be banning children from working in t’mills next.”

The protest march, expected to be attended by over 9,000 residents, will begin at t’old mill o’ t’hop ‘o moor at around 8am and will make its way through the slums of Orrell, past the pie factories of Billinge and will finish at the George Formby Memorial Pit at 12pm. At 1pm local residents will accuse someone of internet usage, chase them down and will burn them alive in a large wicker effigy that has been set up in the town centre.

“I support t’protest”, said Wigan Mayor and spinning-jenny manufacturer Arthur Peawet. “AOL, geocities, girls and cups, rickrolling, AltaVista, Hampsterdance. How does all this increase cotton production? I’ll tell you how much. Nowt.”

Wigan has become famous over recent years for protests against technological advancements. In 2002 over 18,000 Wigan females took to the streets to show their unhappiness with being give the vote. And in 2007 nearly half of all residents staged a formal demonstration against over the opening of a dentist in the town. The practice was eventually burned to the ground with staff hounded out of the region following accusations of witchcraft.

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6 Comments on “NEWS | Wiganers set to take to the streets over ‘rise in internet usage’”

  1. Louis Bourgeois Martin Says:

    Ugh, peawet…the ruining of good chips.

    Reply

  2. dino! Says:

    Best story yet!! 😀

    Reply

  3. tikilu Says:

    Brilliant! Of course you wouldn’t get that kind of behaviour in Leigh! 😉

    Reply

  4. Anonymous Says:

    Very witty and prbably true

    Reply

  5. robert muir in spain Says:

    Is that you 2 nd on the left
    Roberto

    Reply

  6. Anonymous Says:

    Love it, stuck between Leigh and Wigan for a good few years and have relatives!

    Reply

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