Archive | February, 2012

NEWS | Mexico and Brazil to seek legal advice on United Nations report

February 29, 2012

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Both Mexico and Brazil have reacted angrily after a United Nations report compared their shanty towns to areas of Manchester. The report released yesterday by the UN claimed that parts of Manchester are becoming no-go areas where drugs gangs are effectively in control and went on to liken these areas to those found in Brazil […]

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SPORT | Ferguson hails Owen’s ‘unbelievable’ Twitter record

February 27, 2012

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Sir Alex Ferguson has hailed Michael Owen’s “unbelievable” retweet record after 9 of his 11 tweets on Sunday were each retweeted over 100 times. Owen, who is currently United’s top tweeter, has seen 108 out of his last 124 tweets get over 100 retweets. This tally puts him second in the Premier League retweet table […]

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NEWS | New collection from fashion house EDL is panned by critics in Hyde

February 25, 2012

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Today saw the launch of the new Spring/Summer 2012 clothing collection from Luton-based fashion house EDL. The clothing label and cunt collective shunned the traditional catwalks of Milan and London and instead chose a pub car park in Hyde to display their new collection. Mark Chonch is EDL’s Head of Fashion and Complete Twattery. He […]

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NEWS | One Direction fans tricked in to unpaid Tesco employment

February 25, 2012

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Thousands of teenage girls who believed they were camping out at the Manchester Evening News Arena to buy tickets for a concert by boy band One Direction have actually signed them themselves up for 300 hours of unpaid labour at Tesco. The sneaky initiative was a joint venture between Tesco, Employment Minister Chris Grayling and […]

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NEWS | Manchester transport officials confirm Wythenshawe containment

February 24, 2012

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Transport bosses have been quick to reassure the public that a new £6.7m transport interchange hub to be built in Wythenshawe will only be connected to other areas of Wythenshawe. Transport for General Manchester’s (TfGM) central office has been plagued with calls from the public who are concerned that the new station complex will mean that […]

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NEWS | Manchester youths quick to condemn ‘poorly executed’ riots

February 24, 2012

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The youth of Manchester were quick to condemn football supporters for a ‘lacklustre’ and ‘poorly planned’ approach to their violence in Manchester city centre last night. Fans of both Ajax and Manchester United clashed in a number of city centre incidents with reports of a beermat being thrown and a number of bins being pushed […]

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NEWS | ‘UFO’ seen over Wigan found to be the Sun

February 23, 2012

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An investigation by the MoD has concluded that the ‘UFO’ seen by thousands of Wiganers this morning was actually the Sun. Wigan urchin Stanley Milburn runs a local mill for children and was one of thousands of local residents who saw and reported the large slow-moving ball of light hovering ominously above the settlement. “T’ […]

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NEWS | ITV execs apologise for cutting Dido short

February 22, 2012

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The organisers of last night’s Brit Awards have apologised to record-breaking star Dido after cutting short her final acceptance speech. The singer landed seventeen awards at the industry love-in including best album for her multi-million selling release No Angel. But a drunken and somewhat rambling speech earlier in the evening by Phats from shithouse fucksticks […]

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SPORT | Tevez offers ‘unreserved apology’ to financial associates

February 22, 2012

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Money

Manchester City orc Carlos Tevez has offered a ‘sincere and unreserved’ apology to his bank manager, agent, sponsors and other financial advisors. In an official statement released through the Manchester City FC website the semi-formed striker spoke of his ‘deep regret’ at the £10million in fines he has amassed since fucking off for a three-month […]

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SPECIAL FEATURE | BRIT Awards 2012 Preview

February 21, 2012

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The buzz and excitement is building for the biggest event in the British music industry’s calendar. News Manc’s showbiz reporter Penny Gooch has been busy putting together this exclusive preview and gives her tips as to potential winners. WARNING: This report contains scenes of James Corden. Penny Gooch Showbiz Reporter For any serious music fan […]

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