ENTERTAINMENT | Smiths to reform as consultancy to the health sector

January 27, 2012

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Consultancy

Marr plans to use those awful stock images that all management consultancies use of models of various races and genders all peering at a laptop pretending to find something interesting.

Legendary Liverpool band The Smiths are set to reform as a boutique management consultancy offering strategic and innovative solutions to healthcare information system providers.

The miserable foursome, who famously posed for an iconic photograph outside Salford’s Shopping City complex, have previously refused to reunite despite numerous lucrative offers.

“The offer and the opportunity had to be right”, said guitarist Johnny Marr, speaking to News Manc from his Liverpool home.

“The government’s recent health white paper, which set out a reformed system of clinical commissioning, has created a real opportunity for companies and individuals with vision and innovative practices to engage with clinicians to create information-driven healthcare systems that, ultimately, will benefit the patient.”

“We couldn’t resist the opportunity to be a part of that and we are proud to announce that our first contract will be to provide a realtime, cloud-based clinical contracting solution for NHS Manchester.”

“The other lads are really looking forward to it too”, added Marr. “Even that whining fuckstick Morrissey.”

The Smiths’ new business will be known as Innov8er Healthcare and they will operate out of an office complex in the Spinningfields area of Manchester.

“Everything we’ve done before has been based in Liverpool”, said Marr. “So we’re keen on branching out and seeing what Manchester has to offer.”

This isn’t the first time a former band has reincarnated itself in to a new business. In 2003 Inspiral Carpets reformed as an interior design agency specialising in the hospitality industry.

The regroup was a success with the Madchester quintet providing their psychedelic design touches to various Manchester restaurants and bars including Room on King Street and Trof in the Nothern Quarter.

XfM DJ and all round fucking legend Clint Boon told News Manc that the band originally got back together with the aim of making music.

“We jammed a few songs but quickly realised that they were just shit. We thought one catchy number had potential but it soon dawned on us that we had just reinterpreted the theme tune to the BBC2 programme Dragons’ Den in a slightly more baggy format. It was at that point that our guitarist Graham mentioned that he’d recently done up his Mum’s kitchen and was surprisingly pleased with the result.”

“We all went round and had a look and it was really impressive. Although no one said anything there and then I think we all knew that the band would be taking a new direction.”

A recent rumour that Simpy Red will be reforming as a branch of estate agents has been strenuously denied by former lead-singer Mick Hucknall.

“People think I’m enough of a cunt as it is”, said Hucknall.

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4 Comments on “ENTERTAINMENT | Smiths to reform as consultancy to the health sector”

  1. Papa Simpson Says:

    you need to come to the studio for a brew

    Reply

  2. Louis Bourgeois Martin Says:

    Clint Boon – ‘fucking legend’… debatable.

    Reply

  3. Anonymous Says:

    the studio…and co.

    Reply

  4. Folding Stars Says:

    Nice to see the Smiths branching out across the North West. They need to shut up about Liverpool as far as I’m concerned.

    Reply

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