SPORT | Sir Alex Ferguson conducts bizarre press conference

January 26, 2012



This man's nose is probably in worse shape than your nose.

Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson has sparked concerns for his mental heath and wellbeing after appearing to answer all questions at this morning’s press conference with lyrics from Black Eyed Peas songs. Ferguson, 86, was speaking to journalists at the club’s Carrington Training ground ahead of Saturday’s 4th round FA Cup clash against fierce rivals Liverpool.

“Boom boom pow”, replied Ferguson when asked if Patrice Evra would be playing in the game after the recent incident involving Luis Saurez. “I like that boom boom pow”, he continued, “Them chickens jackin’ my style, they try copy my swagger, but I’m on that next shit now.”

Manchester Evening News Sports Editor Peter Spencer was keen to ascertain from Ferguson how United plan to set up their midfield with Anderson, Tom Cleverley, Ashley Young and Darren Fletcher all still missing. “When I bust my rhyme, you break yo necks”, he explained. “Get up off my genitals, I stay on that pinnacle, kill you up my lyricals, call me verbal criminal.”

An understandably confused Spencer then asked whether this would mean a return to central midfield for veteran Paul Scholes, but Ferguson simply replied with “My hump my hump, my hump my hump my hump. My lovely lady lumps. What you goin’ do with all that ass? All that ass inside them jeans?”. Spencer relunctantly took notes.

After a few awkward seconds United’s Assistant Manager Mike Phelan took over the microphone. “The place has been buzzing since Paul returned; it’s given us a real boost. His quality is there for all to see but whether he’ll start or not I can’t really say. I think that’s what the gaffer was trying to say really.”

However, Ferguson wasn’t finished and angrily snatched the microphone back from Phelan. With nervous looks from the club’s PR representatives Ferguson again took to the floor when asked a question regarding the recent impressive performances of Danny Welbeck.

“Fill my cup, mazel tov”, he shouted inexplicably. “Tell a jealous chicken I don’t know what the beef is, I’m just making money for my grandkids’ nieces. Harder than worldwide stadium tours, I am the future, delorean’s doors.”

At this point a visibly confused and distressed Ferguson was led out of the room by United officials.

This isn’t the first time a manager with Manchester United associations has quoted lyrics in a press conference. In 2007 former Macclesfield boss and United legend Paul Ince was asked by a journalist whether he would consider a more attacking set up for an upcoming fixture against Notts County. His response, “Niggaz want me dead but they’re scared to step to me, I’ll rip their guts out like a hysterectomy” is believed to be from a Ghostface Killah song.


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3 Comments on “SPORT | Sir Alex Ferguson conducts bizarre press conference”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    The most sense he’s talked in years.


  2. Anonymous Says:

    Fucking brilliant, made me chuckle!


  3. Anonymous Says:

    i love you


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