TRAVEL | Manchester man makes the perfect tram journey

January 23, 2012


A man from Manchester has made history by being the first known passenger to make a perfect Metrolink journey since the network opened in April 1992.


A special time-lapse photo showing the movement of trams through a Metrolink station over a 6 hour period.

David Morris, 43, from Chorlton-cum-Hardy works as a Project Accountant for a building company in central Manchester and made the landmark journey on Monday.

“It felt like a normal day to be honest. I got ready as usual, had some breakfast, had a quiet fantasy regarding BBC Breakfast’s Sian Williams, imagined brutally torturing and killing BBC Breakfast’s Bill Turnbull, kissed goodbye to the family and made my way to the tram stop. Little did I know what was about to happen” said David, with a certain amount of smugness.

At this point David’s day became very different. “There was a fresh pile of Metro newspapers waiting for me and the ticket machine accepted my £10 note at the first time of asking. As the ticket dropped lightly in to the tray, along with the correct change, I heard the sound of an approaching tram and within 30 seconds I was on board.” But David’s luck didn’t stop here.

“Despite it being 8.34am I was able to grab a double seat all to myself. A double fucking seat. I could spread my newspaper right out, it was awesome. We then glided through stations straight through to Market Street. No delays, no driver malfunctions, nothing.” David’s journey was made all the more unbelievable when three youths listing to shit music on mobile phones actually used headphones instead of the inbuilt speaker on the phone.

Transport for Greater Manchester’s Director of Operations Marsha Sparvagn will be attending a celebratory lunch with David and his family at San Carlo restaurant on Deansgate next Wednesday. “We just couldn’t believe it when we heard the news in the office” she said. “We’ve been dreaming of this moment for nearly 20 years and when it happened we all just went crazy. The scene in the offices was similar to the one at mission control at NASA in Houston when they somehow managed to bring Apollo 13 safely around the moon and back to earth. However, in many ways I think our achievement is greater.”

The following day Metrolink completely forgot to send out any trams whatsoever on any of their lines.


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22 Comments on “TRAVEL | Manchester man makes the perfect tram journey”

  1. Peter Mitchell Says:

    Mmmm they’re big and yellow.


  2. Hellwyck Says:

    I called bullshit on this before I knew it was a spoof article.


  3. Lee Fletcher Says:

    Funny story, but come on 20 years for a perfect journey that’s terrible stats, worse than the train services..C’Mon Metrolink get your act together so everyone can have a perfect journey at least once in a lifetime…


  4. Lee Fletcher Says:

    Maybe this us a joke after all..oops..


  5. Laura Catlow-Morris Says:

    Oh my God. The above the comments. FACEPALM.


  6. Toby Butler Says:

    I hardly see how this qualifies as news.


  7. TheSnowden Says:

    This is really quite topical at the moment, and indeed today my friend has written a light hearted poem, entitled “I hate Trams”

    Listen to it on Soundcloud!


  8. Anonymous Says:

    what a load of shit. thanks for taking 3 minutes of my life.


  9. Anonymous Says:



  10. Anonymous Says:

    This is probably the best article wrt Metrolink and how apt after the fee increase.


  11. Cy Humphreys Says:

    Just running interference here.. I heard a of a bus- which on the same day- made it through Rusholme in well under an hour.


  12. Sarah Campbell Says:

    BRILLIANT!!! Genius! Should be sent to Metrolink customer services. Sums it up without having to go into the usual rant X


  13. Mattt Babes'x Says:



  14. mick.d Says:

    It just goes to show, not all Mancs have a sense of humour !


  15. Anonymous Says:

    14ans 1997 point des Lascas


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