Archive | January, 2012

SPORT | Michelangelo’s David spotted at the Etihad Stadium

January 31, 2012

0 Comments

David

News Manc has received unconfirmed reports from a number of sources this evening that Michelangelo’s sculpture of David has been spotted at the Etihad stadium. With today being transfer deadline day this would indicate that David is on the verge of signing for the club. David is currently signed to the Accademia di Belle Arti in […]

Continue reading...

NEWS | Manchester man named in ‘best dressed’ list

January 30, 2012

3 Comments

GQ

A Manchester man is today celebrating an unexpected inclusion on GQ Magazine’s prestigious top ten list of the ‘best dressed men’ in Britain. Rob Slater, 37, a bricklayer and builder from Crumpsall, found out over the weekend after wife Karen received a phone call from a representative of GQ. “I thought it was my mates […]

Continue reading...

ENTERTAINMENT | Smiths to reform as consultancy to the health sector

January 27, 2012

4 Comments

Consultancy

Legendary Liverpool band The Smiths are set to reform as a boutique management consultancy offering strategic and innovative solutions to healthcare information system providers. The miserable foursome, who famously posed for an iconic photograph outside Salford’s Shopping City complex, have previously refused to reunite despite numerous lucrative offers. “The offer and the opportunity had to […]

Continue reading...

NEWS | DJ Dave Haslam interviews David Milliband

January 27, 2012

4 Comments

Haslam

Dave Haslam, Manchester DJ, Author, Lecturer, Interviewer, Celebrity Chef, Raconteur, Taxidermist and star of Celebrity Big Brother 4, last night interviewed former Foreign Secretary and Labour Party leadership contender David Miliband MP in one of the back rooms of The Briton’s Protection public house. The exclusive event was part of Haslam’s ‘Close Up’ initiative, a […]

Continue reading...

SPORT | Sir Alex Ferguson conducts bizarre press conference

January 26, 2012

3 Comments

SAF

Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson has sparked concerns for his mental heath and wellbeing after appearing to answer all questions at this morning’s press conference with lyrics from Black Eyed Peas songs. Ferguson, 86, was speaking to journalists at the club’s Carrington Training ground ahead of Saturday’s 4th round FA Cup clash against fierce […]

Continue reading...

NEWS | Manchester City Council gets an office dog

January 25, 2012

9 Comments

Toby

Officials at Manchester City Council have bought a dog for the Town Hall offices. They’ve named him Toby and he’s a black labrador. “He’s just gorgeous”, said Council Chief Executive Joe Devola. “We thought he’d brighten up the place and he’s certainly done that. He’s actually really well-behaved too, which is a bonus. I can’t […]

Continue reading...

ENTERTAINMENT | Britain’s Got Talent cancelled after Cowell ‘discovers’ Manchester street mime

January 25, 2012

18 Comments

Mime

ITV’s dumbed down prole-fest Britain’s Got Talent was sensationally cancelled this evening after just one day of auditions. Over 600 unemployed Salford residents descended on the Lowry Hotel earlier this week to welcome human clam-hammer Simon Cowell, So Solid Crew-botherer Alesha Dixon, cavity wall insulation substitute Amanda Holden and David Fucking Walliams, who were all in […]

Continue reading...

TRAVEL | Manchester man makes the perfect tram journey

January 23, 2012

22 Comments

Tram

A man from Manchester has made history by being the first known passenger to make a perfect Metrolink journey since the network opened in April 1992. David Morris, 43, from Chorlton-cum-Hardy works as a Project Accountant for a building company in central Manchester and made the landmark journey on Monday. “It felt like a normal […]

Continue reading...

SPORT | Redknapp and Rooney set to meet for world chess championship

January 23, 2012

4 Comments

Chess

Jamie Redknapp and Wayne Rooney have finally agreed on a date and venue to stage their long-awaited world chess championship match in a move that has reminded many of the 1970s grandmaster chess showdown between former anti-Semitic mentalist Bobby Fisher and bumbling Russian communist Boris Spassky. After months of wrangling between promoters Don King and […]

Continue reading...

NEWS | Northern Quarter chosen as host for 2014 Hipster Olympics

January 23, 2012

135 Comments

Hipsters

The Northern Quarter, regarded as Manchester’s premier wanker-saturated area, has been chosen as the host for the 2014 Hipster Olympics. It is only the second time the competition has been held in Britain after previously being taking place in a prick infested warehouse in Shoreditch in 1998. Events at the prestigious games include who can […]

Continue reading...